Feel the Panic In Your Mind And Pain In Your Heart
by TaeminnieLav
Summary: Soul has been having this reoccuring nightmare that is partially true. Maka is getting worried about him and doesn't know what to do. But when Soul finds out why Black * Star told him those haunting words, will Soul still manange to stay out of Madness?
1. The Razor Blade's Calling

_Soul strolled down the deserted street, even the bleeding moon refusing to show itself tonight. The only thing lighting up the brick walk ways and sidewalks were dim street lamps that were mostly broken, only a few still attempted to do their job to light up the street. With his hood up, the weapon, dressed in a black zip up jacket with a hood,' SOUL EATER' across the chest, faded maroon skinny jeans clung tightly to his legs, moved silently down the street. __The jeans were accented with black high tops, the shoe laces tucked into the shoe instead of tied. His cloud white hair hid his face from the occasional passerby on the other side of the road. He didn't want to be bother by anyone or anything, having had a horrible nightmare, unable to get back to sleep_

_**_DREAM_**_

_**The room was completely black. Soul was dressed in the attire he wore to the first date he and Black * Star had. Teal skinny jeans, white converse, a black sweater that hung off one shoulder and his hair in a black hairband. He'd always like the outfit until that day, when those words left Black * Star's lips and entered Soul's ears. **__**Around the time he started to think of Black * Star, the blue haired assassin would always appear in a bright spot light. The ninja wore a black and orange wife-beater and black shorts that went about to his knees. "Soul. Big stars like me don't go out with boys." The blue haired ninja would say, before turning around and walking away into the darkness. **__**Yet again, the words never failed to shatter his heart into tiny pieces, like it'd been burned in a raging fire and the ashes were thrown into the ocean to drown in the dark depths. Soul fell to his knees, clutching the left side of his chest. His pulse was nonexistent. His normally crimson eyes would fade to the dullest of grays. It was like his whole life had left him for dead.**_

_**_DREAM_**_

_He shook his head to clear the thought of the horrid dream. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a small wallet. He opened it, slowing to a stop. Inside of the little black wallet of memories was his cherished picture. It was a slightly burned picture of himself and Black * Star, the assassin's arm around Soul's neck, the other up in the air as he jumped up, Soul bending over a little under the weight. His eyes watered a little as he stared at the picture. __He closed the wallet and slipped it back into the pocket of his skinny jeans, a small frail tear rolled halfway down his cheek before freezing in the winter weather. He turned slightly to lean back against the brick wall behind him as he stared up at the starless, velvet-like sky, his fire red eyes coated with a film of tears that refused to fall, puddling in his eyes like blood pools._

_He thought to himself. 'Why did he leave..' He questioned himself. 'Was I not good enough...? Did I... I make him mad..?' Lowly thoughts raced through his mind, each one delivering a powerful blow to his self-confidence. He slumped to the ground, his legs pulled up to his chest, his arms tucked in between the two. He let his head fell forward, his forehead resting on his knees. His hair framed his face and hide the clear liquid falling rather quickly from his eyes, the salty substance refusing to freeze now. __Soul could no longer hold back the sobs that escaped his throat in the dim light of the street lamp, which soon after flickered out, leaving him in the darkness. He felt a little better in the darkness because no one could see him crying his eyes out. Although Soul wanted to be left alone, but Little Oni had other plans. "Soul, you know, if you give into your madness, you won't be able to feel this pain...~ You'll be numb...~" _

_Soul said nothing, although the offer was very tempting in his current state. He appeared in the Dark Room, his black pin stripe suit with a red undershirt and a black tie accenting his features. His expression was emotionless, although it was covering up the extreme pain he was in at the moment. "What do I have to do.." Soul asked the little red demon. Little Oni smirked. "All you have to do... is play the piano..~" He said, gesturing to a ebony black piano with ivory keys. It had an eerie aura, but he didn't mind it. __Soul approached the piano, dragging his fingers gently across the keys, careful not the press any of them quite yet. He sniffled, his emotions starting to leak through. His heart felt like it was shriveled up, blacker than the darkest night and colder than the iciest winter. Soul glanced back the the tiny red man who was anxiously waiting to hear that first piano note, signaling Soul wanted to give into the madness._

_Before the white haired boy could hit the first note, a familiar voice pleaded him not to do it. He glanced over at the dark hall with black curtains around it. Maka Albarn was standing in her beautiful black dress and high heels. "Soul, please don't do this.." She begged. The weapon looked back down to the piano, it's 88 keys just calling to him, pleading to be played. Soul inhaled sharply. "Maka... you wouldn't.. you just don't understand. I have to do this." He said, his hand lowering closer to the keys._

Although, just before he hit the first key, Soul jolted himself awake with a loud scream from the nightmare. He was broke out in a cold sweat that covered his whole body except for the places where his pajama pants clung to his skin. Panting harshly, he gripped his snow white hair as his eyes teared up, the nightmare having been driving him crazy. He pulled his legs to his chest as tears pelted his blanket softly, absorbing into the fabric with ease. There was a soft knock on the door before Maka entered the room slowly. "S-Soul..? Are you okay..?" She asked, obviously worried from his screaming. The scythe nodded slowly. Maka shut the door behind her as she walked over to the boy, sitting on the edge of his soft bed and placing a hand softly on his warm back. Soul was sweating only a little bit now, though he was still extremely worried about his dream.

He pushed her away quickly, his eyes watering. The white haired boy gestured for her to leave the room. She obliged and slowly got to her feet, though she really didn't want to leave her weapon in that condition. If she didn't, he'd have thrown a fit though. She hesitantly made her way over to the door, yet lingered in the door way for a moment. "Soul.. don't... don't do anything stupid, alright?" She asked of him softly, hoping he would promise. Although, he remained completely silent. She turned back to look at him over her shoulder. He was staring down at his hands resting softly on the blanket, the only light was from the bleeding moon outside shinging softly through his window to illuminate the room. His cloud-like hair hovered infront of his face to block other's view from the water forming in his eyes, although when the droplets fell, the dim light hit them at the right angle to make them shimmer. Maka sighed softly before continuing out of his room and back into her own, figuring it was best to leave him alone for now at least.

After he heard her door shut, he swung his legs over the side of the bed to the wooden floor below, his feet hovering only an inch above the ground. He used his arms to push himself off the bed, his feet planting themselves firmly on the ground. Stumbling to his feet, he trudged to the shared bathroom, grabbing one of his totally black towels from the cabinet in the hallway and entering the bathroom. Soul shut and locked the door behind himself. He sniffled softly, looking at his face in the mirror. The whites of his eyes challenged the redness of his pupils and made his white hair even mor pronouced. His face was red and blotchy, it being very obvious that he has been crying, his normal smirk replaced with a blank expression. He reached up and opened the mirror cabinet, one, to move the mirror and two, he wanted the replacement razors for his shaving razor. Though, he didn't want to shave, or replace the razor in the llittle device.

He opened the small containter and pulled out a new, sharp, glistening replacement blade. He turned it over to examine it all, then laid the towel on the counter. He put the other blades back into the mirror cabinet and shut the door. Soul Eater Evans sniffled again as he placed the sharp blade against his wrist and stared up at himself in the mirror to avoid looking at the blade. He inhaled sharply as he quickly drug the razor across his wrist, the skin slicing perfect and crimson liquid rapidlly poured from his wrist onto the towel. He hissed inwardly in pain, the iron tainted substance overflowing into the skin and onto the floor as Soul's normally tanned skin began to pale. His eyes lolled back into his head as he fell backwards onto the floor. Maka heard the noise and came to investgate, though the door was locked. "Soul? SOUL!" She screamed through the door. Soul continued to bleed onto the floor, the blood puddling around his wrist.

* * *

><p>An: I hope you all enjoyed the first chapter~! I'm sorry if it's really short, a lot of crap has happened in my life in this past few months, and it's been taking a devestating blow to my emotions. So, please Bare with me.


	2. Big Stars Don't Date Boys

Maka started to panic when a heavy amount of salty metallic stench reached her nostrils. Paniking, she began to harshly kick the door, trying to break it down. When that didn't work, she grabbed a bobbypin from the door frame, to unlock the door. She was relieved bathroom doors had a safety lock on them. One poke into a little hole and a click was heard. She swiftly turned the handle and flung the door open carefully. The sight of Soul's skin challenging the white of his hair, covered in maroon liquid scared her to death. She fell to her knees next to him, grabbing the towel from the counter, shivering when a puddle of blood poured from the towel onto her lap and arm. After letting a yelp escape her mouth, she managed to tie the blood-soaked fabric around Soul's wrist to try to halt the bleeding. His skin was radiating cold. She pulled out her small, pink flip cell phone, desperately typing in her father's number, although her pink phone was getting smudges of red all over it and she kept hitting the wrong buttons from her hands shaking so much.

When she'd finally got the number right, Maka hit the green button to activate the call. The ringing seemed to take forever, only two series of rings before Death Scythe picked up the phone. "Hello~?" He asked, sounded happy at the fact that his baby girl was calling him. "P-papa! I-I-I.. come h-here! Q-quickly!" she yelled into the phone, her mind racing at a hundred miles per hour, though she was unable to form a setence. The panic in her voice signalled to Spirit that something was wrong. "Alright, I'll be right over." He said before hanging up. Maka then immediately dialed in 9-1-1 and hit talk. She went through the stupid questions that seemed to take forever. Maka's father arrived at the appartment about a minute and a half after the 911 call. He flung the door open and ran in, looking for his baby girl. He saw her pajama pants

Rushing over to her, his eyes locked on the sight infront of her. She'd managed to pull Soul into her lap, tears leaking from her emerald eyes, dropping onto his pale chest that struggled to continued rising, but had no problem falling. The ambluance's siren fastly approached the home, soon men in hospital issued uniforms rushed inside, pulling Maka out of the way to get into the small space to try and save the frial looking weapon's life. Maka's mind was in a state of shock. Spirit hed her close as the men wheeled Soul away on a stretcher, her gaze locked on where he was laying. Spirit pulled her up off the ground, lifting her up threshold style to carry her to the car so he could drive her to the hospital to stay close to him. He knew she loved him.

Once they arrived, Spirit opened her door and helped her out of the car. She was able to atleast walk by herself now, but she held onto Spirit arm tightly, incase her legs decided to give out from underneath her. Pulling his phone out, Death Scythe dialed in Lord Death's number, asking him to tell the other's about Soul's current condition. Lord Death agreed before hanging up to message all the others. Spirit strolled to the front desk, asking to see Soul Eater Evans. the nurse handed him a room number, but had a grim look plastered on her face when she heard the name. She pointed to a hall. "Down that hall.." Spirit thanked her and led Maka back to the room.

When they entered the room, Maka's eyes watered up. Soul's skin color still challenged his cloud white hair. A breathing tube was placed down his throat to help him breathe. Soul had what seemed like hundreds of tubes all over his body, wires covering him, crossing over each other agian and again. The heart monitor had a slow, steady beat, like his heart was struggling to hold on, like it was too broken to even attempt to beat anymore. His lungs didn't want to expand by themself. His whole body just wanted to give up and give into the paradise he'd heard so much about. That paradise that every parent tells their child their dead pet or passed beloved family member go to. That place were everything is perfect and there is no pain.

Maka trudged over next to him, sitting in the chair. Her hand slowly made it's way into Soul's as tears freely dripped down her face. She sniffled, trying to hold back the tears, but her attempts were in vain. Her tears refused to stop. After a few minutes, Death the Kidd, Patty and Liz walked in. Liz gasped at the sight and even Patty's normally happy expression faultered to a sad one. Kidd frowned a little. "what exactly pushed him into that..?" He asked, thinking Maka would know the answer. Maka shrugged. "A-All I know is th-that... He'd b-been having this n-nightmare... Over and o-over again.. He'd w-wake up... j-just... sc-screamming.." She stuttered out past her shaking lips, sniffling at the end of the sentence. Kidd placed a hand on his chin in a thinking manner as Tsubaki walked in. Though Black * Star was not at her side as normal.

Patty looked over at her. "Where's Black * Star-kun?" She asked. Tsubaki sighed. "He's at home.. I told him about Soul and he cringed but said he didn't want to come.." She said softly. The fact that Black * Star didn't want to come see Soul enraged Maka. She stood up and balled her hands into fists. "He doesn't wanna come see his friend who could die at any second! What kinda friend is that!" She yelled as she ran past the other out of the room. Their eyes followed her to watch her run out of the room. "She seemed mad." Patty said. Kidd sighed at her adorablness. "Yes, she was mad Patty darling." He said softly.

Maka was pacing herself at a fast walk toward Tsubaki and Black * Star's house. Her face was red from anger. People moved out of her way, the sound of her boots hitting the pavement signaled that she was not going to dodge anyone in her way. She arrived at the home, not bothering to knock as she just kicked the door down in a fit of anger. Black * Star wasn't in the living room, or in any other room. He was outback on the training grounds, punching a sand filled bag, something he normally did to hide his feelings. Black * Star had no idea she was there. Maka growled lowly to herself as she ran up behind him and punched him directly in the middle of his back. He yelped and fell foward before jumping to his feet and turninf around. "What the fu-" he stopped when he say Maka's expression.

"Oh, It's just you." He mumbled, and turned to continue taking his anger out on the bag. Maka snarled. "How can you just freaking say that you don't wanna hgo see Soul! He could freaking die at any minute and you just wanna stay here and train! How heartless can you be!" She screamed as he turned around to face her. maka's fist connected with Black * Star's cheek, sending him backwards, sliding against the gravel. She walked over and picked him up by his collar. "Soul needs ALL his friends right now! You need to get your ass up and make your way to that hospital now you heartless son of a bitch!" She screamed. Black * Star frowned. "Soul wouldn't wanna see me anyway! Not after I basically broke his heart!" He yelkled back, shoving her away.

She froze. _'Broke... his heart...? What does he mean..' _"What..?" She murmured, her eyes widened a little. He pulled himself to his feet and brushed off the dirt on his pants then wiped the blood from this lip. "I. Broke. His. Heart." He said, each word coated in regret and acid. "We we're going out for 5 years. Then someone told me something. So I broke up with him." He said softly, his voice seeming to silently want to break under the emotions piling on it. "What.. did the person say..?" She asked, curious as to why Black * Star would just end a great relationship by someone telling him something. "They told me that big star's aren't gay. That if I wanted to be the biggest and brightest star, I couldn't date Soul.." He said, Black * Star's eyes actually tearing up.

Maka's expression turned from shock and worry, to anger. "How could you just hurt Soul like that? How could you just toss him away like a used tissue!" She shouted. Black * Star waved his hands infront of himself in surrender. "I-I still love him.. s-so much... Th-this is k-killing me.." He mumbled as his head dropped to face the ground. "I'm no-nothing but a s-selfish pi-piece of s-shit.." He mumbled. "Who told you that lie anyway!" Maka screamed. Black * Star looked up to her. "Your Dad did." She gasped and covered her mouth. "M-my Papa t-told you th-that?" she was shocked by her father's actions. "W-well.. a-at least c-come see Soul..?"

Black * Star nodded and walked with her back to the hospital. When they arrived, Spirit was still there, which set off Black * Star as he ran at him, ready to fight the Death Scythe. He swung his fist at him, connecting it with Spirit's jaw. Spirit's head turned on impact. Balck * Star growled as Soul's heart monitor skipped a beat. The assassin turned back to the monitor then to Soul as his eyes opened softly. The blue haired boy quickly made his way to his side. "S-Soul.. I'm so s-sorry.."

Soul coughed softly. "B-black.." He stammered softly. Black * Star hugged him carefully, not wanting to mess anything up. "I-I'm soooooooo sosososososo sorry f-for what I did... W-will.. you f-forgive me..?" he whispered, refusing to let the tears fall from his eyes. Soul smiled softly, his heart skipping again. "I forgive you.." He said in a raspy voice. Black * Star smiled sweetly. Spirit sighed and walked out of the white room. Maka's soft emerald eyes turned to a glare as she watched him leave, then followed. "Papa. How could you do that to them?" She asked. Spirit turned back and sighed, his red hair framing his face. "I.. I wanted to give you a chance to be with Soul..." He addmitted. "I never wanted this to happen.. I thought Soul would get over it and then fall for you.." Maka whimpered. "You don't have to help me.." She said softly as nurses and a doctor shoved past them and into Soul's room.


End file.
